The Unlikely Mother

Mother's day has always been an odd day for me. I was once grateful that I did not have to feel obligated to pay respect to someone with whom I would never have respect. As an adult, I would stay away from church on Mother's Day as it seemed to be a reminder of what I thought I did not have, and worse yet, what I thought I would never become.
About a month ago I was asked to write a poem about mothers to recite at church on Mother's Day. I stared blankly into the face of someone whom I thought, quite frankly, had lost her ever loving mind. I wanted to turn her down on the spot, but she said she really thought the Lord wanted her to ask me. How do you put the brakes on that one? I said I would think about it, and eventually I agreed to do it.
When I began to think about Mother's Day and what it was and was not to me, I realized I was not the only one who at one time or another painfully endured the hoopla placed around mothers on the day the USA calls Mother's Day. I looked to Isaiah 54, my most cherished passage of scripture, and all I can say from here is girlfriend, if you think you do not have a mother look around you, look at your past and how you got where you are today; and, if you think you are not a mother, think again.

The Unlikely Mother

She stands alone with none to call her own

barren, unmarried, or her moment has passed on

whatever the case, she is crowned with grace

for Isaiah says many will fill her empty place

she always opens her door to just one more

if there is nowhere else, they can sleep on the floor

her words are as strong as the confidence she carries

not for a moment being thought of as just ordinary

she is a wisdom provider, a mercy giver, a Christ lover

she is blessed among women, she is the unlikely mother

she may not have given birth to her child

but she will stand in the gap to keep them undefiled

she cradles her children with unconditional love

because her heart understands they were sent from above

she is a Truth seeker, a Word speaker, a secret keeper

maybe even a cover

but above all else, she is the unlikely mother

She has enriched my own life

so I will reach out to another

and embrace the responsibilities

of the unlikely mother.

Today I am thankful for the mothers I have had through the years. I am most thankful for the woman who adopted me as an adult...after years of being forgotten by fosters and such, she loved me enough to call me her own. I only pray I can live up to the standards I've been shown.

Faith: Between trusting & believing

A little something for Angie's 30 days of faith.

My testimony from childhood is a mixed up, confusing, and jumbled mess of intertwined lives and long drawn out personal battles which, quite frankly, lead me to be who I am today. The biggest obstacle I have ever had to overcome is releasing who I thought I was, believing in who He is, and trusting in who He made me to be. It took an overwhelming amount of trust and faith…which to me are very closely connected. Trust is letting go of everything (self preservation, fear, worry) and giving the Lord full control; but, faith is the exact moment of connection when we allow the Lord to become intimately involved in our lives.
I remember talking to a friend once and her bringing the conversation to a place where I finally realized that all my life I truly believed that I saved myself. I ran away from home as a preteen, I survived on the streets, I made life happen and I, I, I. She asked me where the Lord was during that time in my life. I’m certain I gave her a pitiful answer, but her question shook me to the core. So, I began to ask Him where He was at every point of my life, and eventually I realized that nothing I have ever done in life was without Him by my side…He gave me courage, He protected my life. It takes faith to allow God to show himself to us.
Today, I deeply trust Him, I believe He is who The Bible says He is, and somewhere in the middle, a light goes off…a mental “ping” resounds deep within me. I call that faith.

The Voice of Another

The Voice of Another

I live my life at a fairly even keel…with one kink…living alone leaves me with nothing but my thoughts, His thoughts, and the thoughts of others. I believe I have a fairly good balance of the combination; however, at times I falter when my thoughts get in the way of His thoughts; but, I have some phenomenal people in my life who share their thoughts to pull me back into alignment when needed. That’s how it all works for me. Recently, I shared a fault of mine that I have been dealing with, not just to share this fault, but I was hoping to receive insight from a friend whom I know to be steadfast in this area. I was about to enter into prayer time, so I figured some quick counsel prior to prayer would be awesome. I was wrong. Instead of taking my fault before God and allowing Him to work it out, I opened myself to the voice of another. I find it interesting how easy it is to get away from following a voice you have grown accustomed to and follow the voice of another.
I’m reminded of King Hezekiah (2 Kings 18-19) who loved God so much he destroyed all the items of idolatry. The Bible says he trusted God and “there was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after him.” (18:5) Over and over, the King of Assyria taunted him & all his people saying (in Kate’s words): who do you think you are all confident and stuff…and you think the Lord God is going to save you? Then he hit the people where it hurt by reminding them of the high places and altars Hezekiah tore down…and tossed a bit more confusion into the mix by claiming that these things were The Lord’s high places. He made statements which were somewhat true, but skewed enough by the lies these people once believed, that it shook them up. Hezekiah himself was shook up. He pretty much said woa, we need to hear from Isaiah on this one. Isaiah came back and said NOPE God said I got this one. Of course the king of Assyria came taunting again saying: you are listening to who…don’t you see that I have taken out every god in every surrounding country, now be afraid. This time Hezie got on his face himself and worshiped the God he KNEW (I have to quote him here…chokes me up) “and Hezekiah prayed to the Lord: “O Lord, God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. Give ear, O Lord, and hear; open your eyes, O Lord, and see; listen to the words Sennacherib has sent to insult the Living God.”(19:15-16) Such an honest prayer. He said I know who You are and You are True, but I’m faced with some words that are also truthful. I believe he reaches the heart of God with his final words in prayer. He said “Now, O Lord our God, deliver us from his hand, so that all kingdoms on earth may know that you alone, O Lord, are God.” (2 Kings 19:19). Isaiah came back into the picture to reassure Hezie that God said he would clean up…and God showed up strong and mighty!
It wasn’t long before God spoke to my heart and said “who are you listening to” … I continued to “but” and bawl and He again spoke to my heart and said “who are you listening to.” I listened that time…to the Lord, let him do His thing, and then I went to the Word. It was the most interesting thing…I am doing an inductive study of Luke and I happened to stop right at the place where I needed help…as I continued I realized my Daddy was teaching me. He showed up strong and mighty, because that’s who He is…Strong and Mighty. The voice of another I will not hear.

Welcome 2010

My first blog of the new year...feels so strange. I've managed to escape the blogging world for about a half year...I don't know why...yes I do...2009..ugh. The year started off well enough, I was searching for employment and venturing to begin Destiny's Refuge at the same time. It was both exciting and terrifying. I dropped the ball on DR and jumped fully into my new job in accounting. I suppose it was easier than fulfilling my hearts desire. 2009 continued with not much to speak of. I put my all into employment and returned home exhausted. Mid year I dropped my scripture memory with all my siesta's...sure will be missing them in Houston in a couple weeks, thanks Ang for attempting to keep me running.
It's interesting how the new year begins and it is simply another day connected to the day before; however, we somehow see it as a fresh start. I am grateful for a fresh start! I can't make any promises this year, but I am beginning it with expectation, and my plans include coming out of the isolation I have created for myself and reconnecting with people. I pray for my siesta's this year, I hope it is the best ever; and, with all the humility I can muster, I am hopping up, dusting myself off and taking one step forward. Happy New Year!

Phil 3:13-14

"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Headed for my High School Reunion

I'm sitting in my hotel room in Santa Fe, New Mexico getting some last minute blogging done before I head out again. I decided to return to Las Cruces for my High School reunion. Why? I don't know. High School wasn't exactly an eventful time for me, and if the truth be told, I really don't even remember the people I hung out with. I left Las Cruces shortly after graduation to attend art school in CO...when I left...I left! I have not been "home" in 19 years.

I'm staying with my foster sister, her hubby, and her 6 girls...yes 6 GIRLS! My foster parents have since divorced and married other people, and my foster brothers are...well, a mess. Every single family member loved and served God once upon a time, now most just love Him at a distance. I'm a bit ambiguous about the reunion and returning "home"; but, I can't help but think I'm on a bit of a mission...lol...kinda like the Blues Brothers ... "I'm on a mission from God." I am praying that whatever I do while I am there, I do it well.

Back to High School. My favorite memory: Once a week during lunch, in the science room, I would debate creation/evolution with a guy who claimed to be an atheist. His parents were Baptists, so I knew that the debate wasn't on creation and evolution, it was really over the hurt he had experienced causing him to question his faith...but I continued to argue creation. Every week the class had more and more people there to watch and listen. One day the class was packed out...people were standing in the hall, and I gave up. I remember telling him that I knew the whole debate wasn't about creation and evolution because deep down we all knew the Truth; and, what we had to come to grips with was why we allow education to infiltrate our belief system only in the areas where we seem to need answers to cover our pain. I don't remember everything I said, but I remember it was more of a ministry to him rather than debate, and I ended saying that one day even his knee will bow and proclaim that Jesus is Lord. I remember he had no response. He just stood there, so I left and the entire class began cheering and clapping. Later my science teacher stopped me and said she enjoyed our discussions and was sorry to see them end. I hope I see him there.

Feel free to share your own fond HS memory.

Love you all.

Saying Goodbye

I couldn't help myself...she's sooooooooo precious!

Tomorrow my niece is moving to Ohio to live with her boyfriend. My heart is broken! I've spent two weeks (since I found out) in tears praying my guts out for a change of mind...to no avail. I don't understand the lifestyle, I don't understand the mindset, I don't understand knowing Christ and justifying sin. I offered to marry them before they left Colorado, but that was met with silence. Maybe I'm harsh, maybe one could even call me judgmental, but there's my stuff...maybe I need to work on it...maybe not.

I'll miss my Bab's most of all! I'll miss our dancing together, our praying together, I'll miss the way she sings Holy Spirit Raaaiiiinnnnnn Dowwoooooooonnnn. I'll miss her Saturday morning snuggles in Auntie's feather bed...and her good morning hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi's 'till I finally peek at her and shower her with a hundred morning kisses, I'll miss the way she holds my face in her tiny hands, and I'll miss holding her's in mine. I hope she will always remember that Auntie loves her more than anything on this earth. AND, I hope and pray, and will continue to pray, that she never forgets how to worship! She loves her some WORSHIP! She always comes to my house and grabs her favorite cd, Hillsong You Shine, so tonight I went out and bought her a music and story book FP3 player and loaded the cd on it.

I don't have much else to say...for now my heart just weeps 'cause I'm already missing her.

Tasting the Flavor of Life

Well, the every day thing is obviously not working, so I thought I would post something before daily became weekly, then monthly...you get the picture. I suppose once a week is a decent quest...I'll try it...no promises though.

Panera offers the perfect place to eat lunch and blog (I love Panera), so that is exactly what I am doing. I have on my plate a most delicious chipotle turkey or chicken (I don't know) sandwich. This sandwich is so spicy, but equally balanced. I couldn't help but wonder what life would taste like if it had a flavor. Kind of strange I know, but I thought about prayers going up to God as a sweet smelling fragrance...come to think of it, aren't we the "salt of the earth"...that's what Matthew 5:13 says. Now I know it's more of a metaphor, but really, do we spice life up?

If I had to choose my flavor, I think I would like to be a chipolte pepper...just like the one on my sandwich...it has such a sweet flavor, but in a few minutes, you get all fired up after chewing it. Ah, yes, that would be nice; unfortunately, I'm more of an avocado...I'm a bit flavorless without salt, but with salt and maybe some chili and tomato's and a touch of lime...I'm off and running...can't stop the flavor. Yes, that's it...avacado...I also have a pit of life within me ready to go...waiting to be suspended above the water to reach my fullest potential. Hmmm, come to think of it, I wonder if I am ripe or over-ripened with those little stringy roots trying to achieve life within its little scope of being.

Anyway, just rambling on, but it's fun. So, what is the flavor of life? Nacho's...a little meaty, sometimes a bit cheesy (like now) with a touch of cream and spice on top?