Headed for my High School Reunion

I'm sitting in my hotel room in Santa Fe, New Mexico getting some last minute blogging done before I head out again. I decided to return to Las Cruces for my High School reunion. Why? I don't know. High School wasn't exactly an eventful time for me, and if the truth be told, I really don't even remember the people I hung out with. I left Las Cruces shortly after graduation to attend art school in CO...when I left...I left! I have not been "home" in 19 years.

I'm staying with my foster sister, her hubby, and her 6 girls...yes 6 GIRLS! My foster parents have since divorced and married other people, and my foster brothers are...well, a mess. Every single family member loved and served God once upon a time, now most just love Him at a distance. I'm a bit ambiguous about the reunion and returning "home"; but, I can't help but think I'm on a bit of a mission...lol...kinda like the Blues Brothers ... "I'm on a mission from God." I am praying that whatever I do while I am there, I do it well.

Back to High School. My favorite memory: Once a week during lunch, in the science room, I would debate creation/evolution with a guy who claimed to be an atheist. His parents were Baptists, so I knew that the debate wasn't on creation and evolution, it was really over the hurt he had experienced causing him to question his faith...but I continued to argue creation. Every week the class had more and more people there to watch and listen. One day the class was packed out...people were standing in the hall, and I gave up. I remember telling him that I knew the whole debate wasn't about creation and evolution because deep down we all knew the Truth; and, what we had to come to grips with was why we allow education to infiltrate our belief system only in the areas where we seem to need answers to cover our pain. I don't remember everything I said, but I remember it was more of a ministry to him rather than debate, and I ended saying that one day even his knee will bow and proclaim that Jesus is Lord. I remember he had no response. He just stood there, so I left and the entire class began cheering and clapping. Later my science teacher stopped me and said she enjoyed our discussions and was sorry to see them end. I hope I see him there.

Feel free to share your own fond HS memory.

Love you all.

Saying Goodbye

I couldn't help myself...she's sooooooooo precious!

Tomorrow my niece is moving to Ohio to live with her boyfriend. My heart is broken! I've spent two weeks (since I found out) in tears praying my guts out for a change of mind...to no avail. I don't understand the lifestyle, I don't understand the mindset, I don't understand knowing Christ and justifying sin. I offered to marry them before they left Colorado, but that was met with silence. Maybe I'm harsh, maybe one could even call me judgmental, but there's my stuff...maybe I need to work on it...maybe not.

I'll miss my Bab's most of all! I'll miss our dancing together, our praying together, I'll miss the way she sings Holy Spirit Raaaiiiinnnnnn Dowwoooooooonnnn. I'll miss her Saturday morning snuggles in Auntie's feather bed...and her good morning hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi's 'till I finally peek at her and shower her with a hundred morning kisses, I'll miss the way she holds my face in her tiny hands, and I'll miss holding her's in mine. I hope she will always remember that Auntie loves her more than anything on this earth. AND, I hope and pray, and will continue to pray, that she never forgets how to worship! She loves her some WORSHIP! She always comes to my house and grabs her favorite cd, Hillsong You Shine, so tonight I went out and bought her a music and story book FP3 player and loaded the cd on it.

I don't have much else to say...for now my heart just weeps 'cause I'm already missing her.

Tasting the Flavor of Life

Well, the every day thing is obviously not working, so I thought I would post something before daily became weekly, then monthly...you get the picture. I suppose once a week is a decent quest...I'll try it...no promises though.

Panera offers the perfect place to eat lunch and blog (I love Panera), so that is exactly what I am doing. I have on my plate a most delicious chipotle turkey or chicken (I don't know) sandwich. This sandwich is so spicy, but equally balanced. I couldn't help but wonder what life would taste like if it had a flavor. Kind of strange I know, but I thought about prayers going up to God as a sweet smelling fragrance...come to think of it, aren't we the "salt of the earth"...that's what Matthew 5:13 says. Now I know it's more of a metaphor, but really, do we spice life up?

If I had to choose my flavor, I think I would like to be a chipolte pepper...just like the one on my sandwich...it has such a sweet flavor, but in a few minutes, you get all fired up after chewing it. Ah, yes, that would be nice; unfortunately, I'm more of an avocado...I'm a bit flavorless without salt, but with salt and maybe some chili and tomato's and a touch of lime...I'm off and running...can't stop the flavor. Yes, that's it...avacado...I also have a pit of life within me ready to go...waiting to be suspended above the water to reach my fullest potential. Hmmm, come to think of it, I wonder if I am ripe or over-ripened with those little stringy roots trying to achieve life within its little scope of being.

Anyway, just rambling on, but it's fun. So, what is the flavor of life? Nacho's...a little meaty, sometimes a bit cheesy (like now) with a touch of cream and spice on top?

A Week of Memories - I remember...RAIN.

I am challenging myself to write "I remember..." every day for a week. Hopefully this will propel me back into blog world. Just a few small blogs trips down memory lane. :) I hope you will join me by leaving your own memory lane experience in the comments.

It has been raining so much here lately, but everything is the most vivid of greens, and tons of gorgeous wildflowers are popping up, it's difficult to complain with all the beauty that surrounds me. I was thinking about the rain we were expecting this afternoon when I remembered the rain in my early childhood days, living in the New Mexico desert, FAR out in the desert (aka "the boonies").

I remember the aromatic smell of the desert...the initial fresh rain smell we all know so well, the heavy downpour that raised the dust 6 inches from the ground before it saturated everything, and the smell of the wet desert brush as the rain on it evaporated, filling the air with a hint of sage (I actually couldn't cook with sage until I was about 30...I guess I always thought of it as a weed). I remember at the first sound of rain we would all run outside and play in the bar ditches until our newly created pool/water slide became a mud bath. Playing in the rain was the greatest thing, even with the thunder and lightning cracking all around us. Growing up, one learns how dangerous it might be to play in thunderstorms; however, it never scared us, it only urged us to scream with delight all the louder...we were on top of the world, we were invincible, we were children.

Catching Up

Ok...so let me think back to February, when I actually posted last, and try to remember what has been going on.
*sisterface moved in: that was at the beginning of February. She thought she was going to be moving into a house soon, so why not...4 months later...lol. I actually love having her here. She makes my coffee in the morning, provides conversation that doesn't consist of the usual "feed me" mew I receive from my cats. She should be closing on her house next month; I think I may need to find a roommate...it's gonna be lonely.
*computer was captured by aliens: in all my days of Internet surfing I have never seen so many Internet windows open so fast! Before they could finish destroying my computer, I grabbed all the wires and yanked...it's actually quite fun...try it the next time you don't know what in the world is happening to your computer (every day is a bit extreme though).
*the geeks kicked puter thermoplastic and took back what belonged to me: took all my money in the process.
*had to get a job: This was actually an interesting thing. I knew I would be out of work for 6 months, and planned accordingly...I spoke with people who are leaders over me, and whom I dearly respect, and they were ok with that as well. Still, I continually put in applications and resume's during those months, and at times was fairly upset that no one was responding to my 200+ attempts to seek employment. Why was I upset when I knew I'd be out of work or 6 months? Well, 'cause I think I'm all that sometimes...lol. Seriously, I wanted people to want me even if I didn't want them (try not to judge here...just confess...lol). Yeah, my pride got hurt; however, month 7 made up for it.
*got a job: It's actually great to be working again. I am working as a temp to hire (they call it a "working interview") at an electronics company in their accounting department. I know I let you all in on my future plans, and I am still going ahead...just moving slower than planned.
*graduated: finally...after 5 years. I thought for sure I would graduate in 2008, but stuff and more stuff happens. I'm done though! So, since that is the most important news, here are some photo's of the big day...gotta introduce you to my peeps:

Was walking out with the class and Dad jumps out in front of me and snapped a pic. Goofy pic, but Dad's rock!

Dad, me, and mom. Now I know I don't look like them. I am adopted...they are the greatest peeps!

Sisterface, me, & my niece Desi.



Me on my cell phone of course. My Sylvia (pastor's wife) and of course, my pastor were there, so I was trying to figure out where they were so they could meet my folks and so I could get a picture with them; however, while I was hunting them down, mom and dad took off. Someone else has a pic with me and Sylvia (& Pastor Phil...lol), I just have a picture of me talking to her.



So my good friend Neddra (the little yellow dot in the center of the picture...lol) missed my graduation because she had to "work"...she lied...and I think still needs to repent. Meanwhile she was pulling together a surprise party. When I got back in my car ('cause I thought we were going to a restaurant...and we were burning daylight waiting) they all came outside to surprise me. Was pretty awesome!

This is my mentor Joyce Works. She is such an awesome woman - doesn't mess around - I do. Incredible testimony, steadfast faith, powerful! Only once in my life have I ever met someone who oozes the Word of God like she does. I am sooo priveleged to have her as my mentor.

This is my friend Pam. Her words are forever uplifting!

Me & Babs (she's grown huh), Desi, Siserface, Frances (aka JoJo). My biological family. It looks like we all tested the punch before the party got started, but I assure you, we all just naturally look that goofy!








Ms Kaycee, center stage. She's a blast! The friendliest person you'll ever meet.






My niece Alex, my sis Beth, and bro in-law Sam.




Good Times...Good Times!

Psalm 19 Interpretive

As one looks around, everything in this earth loudly exclaims the existence of God. From the skies to the sea, from the north to the south, and from the east to the west; it all shows His intricate workmanship. Man does his best to understand and even sometimes replace God through scientific endeavors. There is so much about His creation that man will never know, even languages that don't have a name yet. Our need to know got out of control causing God to put law into place to establish a social norm of acceptable behavior to keep society protected and in order. The law represented His wisdom which is our protection and guide. A light unto our feet that keeps us from falling, as Psalm 119:105 describes. It was also established to show man how impossible it is to be perfect and how much we need God. Following the law created a type of perfection or standard of righteousness, as much as could be obtained by man in his own power. It was a way to bridge the gap between God and man...to free him, in essence, because Christ was not yet on the scene. The statutes (laws as well) were put in place to witness (sort of a contract by God) that when the law is followed, God will in turn do for man, causing people of lower classes to be wise...to sit among princes (Psalm 113:8). The psalmist understood all this and desired from deep within to follow God's ways. He was pleased when he looked upon God's awesome creation, but even more so, he longed to in turn be just as pleasing in the eyes of God.

Take a look around, the color, splendor, decor of the skies

To say there is no God; what's left but to die

God's work, perfection, flawless protection, that no man can deny

What man can understand what God has planned

Knowledge? I laugh at your futile attempt to college

Racing fast, trying to understand the past

While the stars in the sky sing through the night

Don't ask...don't tell, study your way into hell

Man is a god? What don't you understand?

Your attempt to know is so far below

Relax...take a breath.

Byzantine, Habe, Landa, telugu

Some of the dialects in which you may not have a clue

And yet the heavens have heard them all

Limitless, endless, infinite sound pouring out from the sea to ground

He contained the light and makes it obey

It gives us sustenance throughout the day

Conscious, confident, adorned in light

Stepping out from its rest and erasing the night

As a new day begins what is necessary to find

Just a touch of peace to our daily grind

Take the new day on with style and grace

Fight the good fight and finish the race

Stunning smile of warmth coming from the east

Setting in the west, we're blind to the rest

For it makes a full circle and rises again

While we slept it touched the earth from end to end

From sin to God, He had to make way

From death to life, man had to obey

Structure, discipline, rules so profound

It had to be right, for God is sound

In this is a witness between God and man

To trust Him for His word is true,

He'll never fail to care for you

Even regarding the lowest class

He makes them wise and the wise an ass

To follow the law was not just a show

It produced good results so that man might know

The promise of mercy that wouldn't depart

A gift of eternal gladness of heart

His commandments are brilliant, from one to ten

Transparent, definite, and simple for all men

Opening the eyes and causing to see

The promises of God will never cease

Untainted holiness, steadfast and true

His ways were set for reasons few knew

However,

There was never a time He didn't come through

We don't seem to understand

Because we are driven by demand

Status this day is what we adore

Selling ourselves to keep the score

To follow His ways, how invaluable I'm told

How precious, exquisite, and sweet to behold.

They keep us true, and safe from harms way

In our mindless hustle it can guide through the day

Failing to hold fast to instruction with keeping power

Forget not the benefits He provides by the hour

We can't even fathom the mistakes that we've made

Yet I hide in the shame and cower in the shade

Things I forgot in my conscious and sub

Things that await His cleansing blood

Willful sin in which I dive in

Unconscious, moronic, brainless and vague

To them, please keep me from being enslaved

Blameless, pure, righteous, set free

Innocent of all in which I'm really guilty

My desire is to speak only that which You have brought

Sanctify my words, my actions, my thoughts

Christ is the only one who redeems

The one and only that can make me clean.

Time To Share

I had the most exciting thing happen yesterday...it was scary...but good. So, I thought I would share with my trusty peeps in blog world.

I'm going to start waaaaaaayyyyy back:

July 19, 1985 I was kicked out of my house. I can't for a minute say that I was innocent...in fact, the opposite was true. I was a chronic runaway from the time I was about 12 and basically lived my own life. I had no rules, certainly had no morals or even boundaries for that matter, and at best, all the people in charge of me could do was keep me out in the country...away from society, only problem with that was the school bus. I was out of control. Well, on this fine day...my birthday, I decided I wanted to hang out with my friends and was told that if I left I was to never come back. I left that day and never returned. I lived on the streets and slept in parks (near my friends homes in case I didn't wake up...someone would recognize me). The Lord ALWAYS protected me...I was never bothered and I made some great squatter friends who helped me learn to live on my own. Well, one day I ran into a substitute teacher whom I adored, and through a course of events I ended up at the Lighthouse for Girls in Gem, KS. It was a home for homeless and "throw away" teens.
My experience at the Lighthouse was awesome. Of course, it was hard having rules and schedules and all...especially after being a wild child, but I loved it...and I was loved. Since that time I have always wanted to open a home for homeless teens...and well, I was kick started into the beginning of the process in '03. Now, though somewhat terrified in stepping out, I am going to run with it.
Saturday, my dad traveled back here for some doctors visits and I knew this was going to be my time to tell him...I just didn't know how or when. Of course when he arrived, I was grilled with questions on what I was doing, how are my finances, how long has it been since I've had a good meal (to which I replied "this morning...thanks for buying" hee hee...please...do I look like I don't eat...uh...I don't think so), and where I was looking for jobs (my job ended back in August), so I told him everything he asked, but somehow I couldn't get to the organization part...he worries sooo much and I just knew he would go off on a tangent about religion, doctrine, government, and money to support the place (in that order too). He despises what he calls "beg-a-thon's" and other attempts ministries make at fundraising. I was at a place where I felt I had to answer for something and my insides tightened because I just wanted to say "I believe in miracles, I believe God has my back, and I believe in my purpose in life." All I really could say is "all this stuff doesn't make any difference, and there has never been a time when I have been without. None of this matters to me...I can loose it all and it doesn't matter." To which he replied "*sigh* I know...I just don't see how you can be so calm in the middle of this." Later he called my mom and my sister and told all...ahhh gotta love family. He had not heard the best yet though.
Last night he was standing in the kitchen and looked over at the computer and said "is that you?" I said "yeah, it's my MySpace page" and he asked if he could read it...I said of course...I don't have anything to hide...why not. So he came over and sat down and started reading it...I forgot I had written on it that I am hoping to open a home for homeless teens and such. He started talking about "the business" and I just said...it's my ministry. I told him I had been working on it a while...let me tell you I was trembling soooooo hard on the inside, and then I showed him the web site I am working on and also told him I was planning on launching it in two weeks. He was silent for a moment, made sure I was aware that "unfortunately, those kinds of organizations are solely supported through fund raising" paused, and then said "if that is what God wants you to do, then do it." I WAS SHOCKED! OOOOOHHHHHH YYYYYEEEEAAAAAHHH. I wanted to dance around the kitchen, but I kept a straight face and went to my room and did a YES-THANK-YOU-LORD dive onto my bed. I really can't tell you why it means so much to have his approval, but it does and I can't tell you how free I feel now.

So, the home is called Destiny's Refuge...it's going to take a miracle, but I know where to go for them. I am finishing up my final class at CCU and at the end of the class I hope to launch my website (destinysrefuge.org).