Friday, July 24, 2009

Headed for my High School Reunion

I'm sitting in my hotel room in Santa Fe, New Mexico getting some last minute blogging done before I head out again. I decided to return to Las Cruces for my High School reunion. Why? I don't know. High School wasn't exactly an eventful time for me, and if the truth be told, I really don't even remember the people I hung out with. I left Las Cruces shortly after graduation to attend art school in CO...when I left...I left! I have not been "home" in 19 years.

I'm staying with my foster sister, her hubby, and her 6 girls...yes 6 GIRLS! My foster parents have since divorced and married other people, and my foster brothers are...well, a mess. Every single family member loved and served God once upon a time, now most just love Him at a distance. I'm a bit ambiguous about the reunion and returning "home"; but, I can't help but think I'm on a bit of a like the Blues Brothers ... "I'm on a mission from God." I am praying that whatever I do while I am there, I do it well.

Back to High School. My favorite memory: Once a week during lunch, in the science room, I would debate creation/evolution with a guy who claimed to be an atheist. His parents were Baptists, so I knew that the debate wasn't on creation and evolution, it was really over the hurt he had experienced causing him to question his faith...but I continued to argue creation. Every week the class had more and more people there to watch and listen. One day the class was packed out...people were standing in the hall, and I gave up. I remember telling him that I knew the whole debate wasn't about creation and evolution because deep down we all knew the Truth; and, what we had to come to grips with was why we allow education to infiltrate our belief system only in the areas where we seem to need answers to cover our pain. I don't remember everything I said, but I remember it was more of a ministry to him rather than debate, and I ended saying that one day even his knee will bow and proclaim that Jesus is Lord. I remember he had no response. He just stood there, so I left and the entire class began cheering and clapping. Later my science teacher stopped me and said she enjoyed our discussions and was sorry to see them end. I hope I see him there.

Feel free to share your own fond HS memory.

Love you all.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Saying Goodbye

I couldn't help myself...she's sooooooooo precious!

Tomorrow my niece is moving to Ohio to live with her boyfriend. My heart is broken! I've spent two weeks (since I found out) in tears praying my guts out for a change of no avail. I don't understand the lifestyle, I don't understand the mindset, I don't understand knowing Christ and justifying sin. I offered to marry them before they left Colorado, but that was met with silence. Maybe I'm harsh, maybe one could even call me judgmental, but there's my stuff...maybe I need to work on it...maybe not.

I'll miss my Bab's most of all! I'll miss our dancing together, our praying together, I'll miss the way she sings Holy Spirit Raaaiiiinnnnnn Dowwoooooooonnnn. I'll miss her Saturday morning snuggles in Auntie's feather bed...and her good morning hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi's 'till I finally peek at her and shower her with a hundred morning kisses, I'll miss the way she holds my face in her tiny hands, and I'll miss holding her's in mine. I hope she will always remember that Auntie loves her more than anything on this earth. AND, I hope and pray, and will continue to pray, that she never forgets how to worship! She loves her some WORSHIP! She always comes to my house and grabs her favorite cd, Hillsong You Shine, so tonight I went out and bought her a music and story book FP3 player and loaded the cd on it.

I don't have much else to say...for now my heart just weeps 'cause I'm already missing her.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Tasting the Flavor of Life

Well, the every day thing is obviously not working, so I thought I would post something before daily became weekly, then get the picture. I suppose once a week is a decent quest...I'll try promises though.
Panera offers the perfect place to eat lunch and blog (I love Panera), so that is exactly what I am doing. I have on my plate a most delicious chipotle turkey or chicken (I don't know) sandwich. This sandwich is so spicy, but equally balanced. I couldn't help but wonder what life would taste like if it had a flavor. Kind of strange I know, but I thought about prayers going up to God as a sweet smelling fragrance...come to think of it, aren't we the "salt of the earth"...that's what Matthew 5:13 says. Now I know it's more of a metaphor, but really, do we spice life up?
If I had to choose my flavor, I think I would like to be a chipolte pepper...just like the one on my has such a sweet flavor, but in a few minutes, you get all fired up after chewing it. Ah, yes, that would be nice; unfortunately, I'm more of an avocado...I'm a bit flavorless without salt, but with salt and maybe some chili and tomato's and a touch of lime...I'm off and running...can't stop the flavor. Yes, that's it...avacado...I also have a pit of life within me ready to go...waiting to be suspended above the water to reach my fullest potential. Hmmm, come to think of it, I wonder if I am ripe or over-ripened with those little stringy roots trying to achieve life within its little scope of being.
Anyway, just rambling on, but it's fun. So, what is the flavor of life? Nacho's...a little meaty, sometimes a bit cheesy (like now) with a touch of cream and spice on top?

Monday, June 8, 2009

A Week of Memories - I remember...RAIN.

I am challenging myself to write "I remember..." every day for a week. Hopefully this will propel me back into blog world. Just a few small blogs trips down memory lane. :) I hope you will join me by leaving your own memory lane experience in the comments.
It has been raining so much here lately, but everything is the most vivid of greens, and tons of gorgeous wildflowers are popping up, it's difficult to complain with all the beauty that surrounds me. I was thinking about the rain we were expecting this afternoon when I remembered the rain in my early childhood days, living in the New Mexico desert, FAR out in the desert (aka "the boonies").
I remember the aromatic smell of the desert...the initial fresh rain smell we all know so well, the heavy downpour that raised the dust 6 inches from the ground before it saturated everything, and the smell of the wet desert brush as the rain on it evaporated, filling the air with a hint of sage (I actually couldn't cook with sage until I was about 30...I guess I always thought of it as a weed). I remember at the first sound of rain we would all run outside and play in the bar ditches until our newly created pool/water slide became a mud bath. Playing in the rain was the greatest thing, even with the thunder and lightning cracking all around us. Growing up, one learns how dangerous it might be to play in thunderstorms; however, it never scared us, it only urged us to scream with delight all the louder...we were on top of the world, we were invincible, we were children.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Catching Up let me think back to February, when I actually posted last, and try to remember what has been going on.
*sisterface moved in: that was at the beginning of February. She thought she was going to be moving into a house soon, so why not...4 months I actually love having her here. She makes my coffee in the morning, provides conversation that doesn't consist of the usual "feed me" mew I receive from my cats. She should be closing on her house next month; I think I may need to find a's gonna be lonely.
*computer was captured by aliens: in all my days of Internet surfing I have never seen so many Internet windows open so fast! Before they could finish destroying my computer, I grabbed all the wires and's actually quite fun...try it the next time you don't know what in the world is happening to your computer (every day is a bit extreme though).
*the geeks kicked puter thermoplastic and took back what belonged to me: took all my money in the process.
*had to get a job: This was actually an interesting thing. I knew I would be out of work for 6 months, and planned accordingly...I spoke with people who are leaders over me, and whom I dearly respect, and they were ok with that as well. Still, I continually put in applications and resume's during those months, and at times was fairly upset that no one was responding to my 200+ attempts to seek employment. Why was I upset when I knew I'd be out of work or 6 months? Well, 'cause I think I'm all that Seriously, I wanted people to want me even if I didn't want them (try not to judge here...just Yeah, my pride got hurt; however, month 7 made up for it.
*got a job: It's actually great to be working again. I am working as a temp to hire (they call it a "working interview") at an electronics company in their accounting department. I know I let you all in on my future plans, and I am still going ahead...just moving slower than planned.
*graduated: finally...after 5 years. I thought for sure I would graduate in 2008, but stuff and more stuff happens. I'm done though! So, since that is the most important news, here are some photo's of the big day...gotta introduce you to my peeps:

Was walking out with the class and Dad jumps out in front of me and snapped a pic. Goofy pic, but Dad's rock!

Dad, me, and mom. Now I know I don't look like them. I am adopted...they are the greatest peeps!

Sisterface, me, & my niece Desi.

Me on my cell phone of course. My Sylvia (pastor's wife) and of course, my pastor were there, so I was trying to figure out where they were so they could meet my folks and so I could get a picture with them; however, while I was hunting them down, mom and dad took off. Someone else has a pic with me and Sylvia (& Pastor, I just have a picture of me talking to her.

So my good friend Neddra (the little yellow dot in the center of the missed my graduation because she had to "work"...she lied...and I think still needs to repent. Meanwhile she was pulling together a surprise party. When I got back in my car ('cause I thought we were going to a restaurant...and we were burning daylight waiting) they all came outside to surprise me. Was pretty awesome!

This is my mentor Joyce Works. She is such an awesome woman - doesn't mess around - I do. Incredible testimony, steadfast faith, powerful! Only once in my life have I ever met someone who oozes the Word of God like she does. I am sooo priveleged to have her as my mentor.

This is my friend Pam. Her words are forever uplifting!

Me & Babs (she's grown huh), Desi, Siserface, Frances (aka JoJo). My biological family. It looks like we all tested the punch before the party got started, but I assure you, we all just naturally look that goofy!

Ms Kaycee, center stage. She's a blast! The friendliest person you'll ever meet.

My niece Alex, my sis Beth, and bro in-law Sam.

Good Times...Good Times!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Psalm 19 Interpretive

As one looks around, everything in this earth loudly exclaims the existence of God. From the skies to the sea, from the north to the south, and from the east to the west; it all shows His intricate workmanship. Man does his best to understand and even sometimes replace God through scientific endeavors. There is so much about His creation that man will never know, even languages that don't have a name yet. Our need to know got out of control causing God to put law into place to establish a social norm of acceptable behavior to keep society protected and in order. The law represented His wisdom which is our protection and guide. A light unto our feet that keeps us from falling, as Psalm 119:105 describes. It was also established to show man how impossible it is to be perfect and how much we need God. Following the law created a type of perfection or standard of righteousness, as much as could be obtained by man in his own power. It was a way to bridge the gap between God and free him, in essence, because Christ was not yet on the scene. The statutes (laws as well) were put in place to witness (sort of a contract by God) that when the law is followed, God will in turn do for man, causing people of lower classes to be sit among princes (Psalm 113:8). The psalmist understood all this and desired from deep within to follow God's ways. He was pleased when he looked upon God's awesome creation, but even more so, he longed to in turn be just as pleasing in the eyes of God.

Take a look around, the color, splendor, decor of the skies
To say there is no God; what's left but to die
God's work, perfection, flawless protection, that no man can deny
What man can understand what God has planned
Knowledge? I laugh at your futile attempt to college
Racing fast, trying to understand the past
While the stars in the sky sing through the night
Don't ask...don't tell, study your way into hell
Man is a god? What don't you understand?
Your attempt to know is so far below
Relax...take a breath.
Byzantine, Habe, Landa, telugu
Some of the dialects in which you may not have a clue
And yet the heavens have heard them all
Limitless, endless, infinite sound pouring out from the sea to ground
He contained the light and makes it obey
It gives us sustenance throughout the day
Conscious, confident, adorned in light
Stepping out from its rest and erasing the night
As a new day begins what is necessary to find
Just a touch of peace to our daily grind
Take the new day on with style and grace
Fight the good fight and finish the race
Stunning smile of warmth coming from the east
Setting in the west, we're blind to the rest
For it makes a full circle and rises again
While we slept it touched the earth from end to end
From sin to God, He had to make way
From death to life, man had to obey
Structure, discipline, rules so profound
It had to be right, for God is sound
In this is a witness between God and man
To trust Him for His word is true,
He'll never fail to care for you
Even regarding the lowest class
He makes them wise and the wise an ass
To follow the law was not just a show
It produced good results so that man might know
The promise of mercy that wouldn't depart
A gift of eternal gladness of heart
His commandments are brilliant, from one to ten
Transparent, definite, and simple for all men
Opening the eyes and causing to see
The promises of God will never cease
Untainted holiness, steadfast and true
His ways were set for reasons few knew
There was never a time He didn't come through
We don't seem to understand
Because we are driven by demand
Status this day is what we adore
Selling ourselves to keep the score
To follow His ways, how invaluable I'm told
How precious, exquisite, and sweet to behold.
They keep us true, and safe from harms way
In our mindless hustle it can guide through the day
Failing to hold fast to instruction with keeping power
Forget not the benefits He provides by the hour
We can't even fathom the mistakes that we've made
Yet I hide in the shame and cower in the shade
Things I forgot in my conscious and sub
Things that await His cleansing blood
Willful sin in which I dive in
Unconscious, moronic, brainless and vague
To them, please keep me from being enslaved
Blameless, pure, righteous, set free
Innocent of all in which I'm really guilty
My desire is to speak only that which You have brought
Sanctify my words, my actions, my thoughts
Christ is the only one who redeems
The one and only that can make me clean.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Time To Share

I had the most exciting thing happen was scary...but good. So, I thought I would share with my trusty peeps in blog world.

I'm going to start waaaaaaayyyyy back:

July 19, 1985 I was kicked out of my house. I can't for a minute say that I was fact, the opposite was true. I was a chronic runaway from the time I was about 12 and basically lived my own life. I had no rules, certainly had no morals or even boundaries for that matter, and at best, all the people in charge of me could do was keep me out in the country...away from society, only problem with that was the school bus. I was out of control. Well, on this fine birthday, I decided I wanted to hang out with my friends and was told that if I left I was to never come back. I left that day and never returned. I lived on the streets and slept in parks (near my friends homes in case I didn't wake up...someone would recognize me). The Lord ALWAYS protected me...I was never bothered and I made some great squatter friends who helped me learn to live on my own. Well, one day I ran into a substitute teacher whom I adored, and through a course of events I ended up at the Lighthouse for Girls in Gem, KS. It was a home for homeless and "throw away" teens.
My experience at the Lighthouse was awesome. Of course, it was hard having rules and schedules and all...especially after being a wild child, but I loved it...and I was loved. Since that time I have always wanted to open a home for homeless teens...and well, I was kick started into the beginning of the process in '03. Now, though somewhat terrified in stepping out, I am going to run with it.
Saturday, my dad traveled back here for some doctors visits and I knew this was going to be my time to tell him...I just didn't know how or when. Of course when he arrived, I was grilled with questions on what I was doing, how are my finances, how long has it been since I've had a good meal (to which I replied "this morning...thanks for buying" hee I look like I don't eat...uh...I don't think so), and where I was looking for jobs (my job ended back in August), so I told him everything he asked, but somehow I couldn't get to the organization part...he worries sooo much and I just knew he would go off on a tangent about religion, doctrine, government, and money to support the place (in that order too). He despises what he calls "beg-a-thon's" and other attempts ministries make at fundraising. I was at a place where I felt I had to answer for something and my insides tightened because I just wanted to say "I believe in miracles, I believe God has my back, and I believe in my purpose in life." All I really could say is "all this stuff doesn't make any difference, and there has never been a time when I have been without. None of this matters to me...I can loose it all and it doesn't matter." To which he replied "*sigh* I know...I just don't see how you can be so calm in the middle of this." Later he called my mom and my sister and told all...ahhh gotta love family. He had not heard the best yet though.
Last night he was standing in the kitchen and looked over at the computer and said "is that you?" I said "yeah, it's my MySpace page" and he asked if he could read it...I said of course...I don't have anything to hide...why not. So he came over and sat down and started reading it...I forgot I had written on it that I am hoping to open a home for homeless teens and such. He started talking about "the business" and I just's my ministry. I told him I had been working on it a while...let me tell you I was trembling soooooo hard on the inside, and then I showed him the web site I am working on and also told him I was planning on launching it in two weeks. He was silent for a moment, made sure I was aware that "unfortunately, those kinds of organizations are solely supported through fund raising" paused, and then said "if that is what God wants you to do, then do it." I WAS SHOCKED! OOOOOHHHHHH YYYYYEEEEAAAAAHHH. I wanted to dance around the kitchen, but I kept a straight face and went to my room and did a YES-THANK-YOU-LORD dive onto my bed. I really can't tell you why it means so much to have his approval, but it does and I can't tell you how free I feel now.

So, the home is called Destiny's's going to take a miracle, but I know where to go for them. I am finishing up my final class at CCU and at the end of the class I hope to launch my website (

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Psalm 115 - Trusting God

I wrote this before today, and was just drawn back to it because I am ever so aware of how much I need to trust God right now...these are tough times, but not too tough for the Lord if we will seek Him...and trust. I thought I might share it with you all (I hope it's not too long for you all...I tried to shorten it.):

Historically, Psalm 115 was written as a song of trust in God. This particular psalm pulls in every aspect one needs to know about trusting in God. It guides, teaches, and portrays a historical paradigm of trust. One major literary feature is its element of worship which was captured in a musical refrain reminding them that “he is their help and shield” (v 9-11). Today we are faced with idols and lack of trust just as in the days of old. Our minds are bombarded with every worldly ritual imaginable. May this psalm find its way into the hearts and minds of individuals that hunger and thirst for truth; for God is truth, there is nothing that compares with His greatness, and this psalm is crying out for us to lay aside all that holds us back and trust once again.
This psalm of trust was David’s cry to Israel to turn back to God from what they were worshiping. At the time of Exile from Egypt, God had showed Himself mighty and merciful among the Israelites. This psalm begins with acknowledgement and praise of God who has never left them or even ceased to love them. The Israelites were God’s chosen people regardless of their many attempts to stray from Him. However, when Moses had gone to the mountain to converse with God, the people panicked and believed they needed a god to serve, and there erected an image that they believed would go to God for them. Idolatry kept them from receiving the Promised Land until the original generation had passed on. The Israelites were aware of the destruction that idol worship brings, and in this psalm, David speaks of the things the others love about their god and questions their taunting. It wasn’t just being made fun of that was upsetting, though no one appreciated that even when they are confident of their ways; it was that God was excluded from the lives of people in idolatry. Essentially, all their god had to offer them was something they could touch. He speaks of their worthless features, the powerlessness, and the inability those idols have to help the people; however, this wasn’t a contest about whose god was bigger than the other because it was obvious that God had showed himself strong, personal, and ever present. What could he do but to again praise God for His greatness and power and life?
David stated that God was a God to trust and called out for each “house” of Israel to trust him, even those who were not a part of a specific Israelite group “[y]ou who fear him, trust in the Lord – he is their help and shield” (v 11 NIV). There was no bias, anyone who feared God was called to again trust in Him rather than the ways of man which were ever present. There was a promise that David was aware of, that when their trust was placed in the Lord, there would be blessings on everyone, “small and great.” David knew that those who may have been looked upon with fewer honors than royalty were no less than royalty in the eyes of God, which was and still is additional proof of a steadfast and loving God.
The literary features of this psalm are a paradigm, taking the reader through an active act of trust by informing the reader how, what, and why they should trust. David’s plea was that the Israelites would be more God-like. In order for that to happen, David created steps through his example and through the words of this song. In verse 1 David gave Glory to God erasing himself from any thought of pride, claiming God as the one he trusts. He then called the other houses to join him in that worship. In this portion of the psalm, worship was captured in the musical refrain “he is their help and shield,” uplifting them as he drew them in. The psalm then sings blessings over them that fear the Lord, “The Lord remembers us and will bless us; He will bless the house of Israel, he will bless the house of Aaron, he will bless those who fear the Lord – small and great alike.” (v 12) He then brings them to pledge to praise and trust in God forever, and closes with “Praise the Lord.” (v.18)
Idols are as prominent today, if not more than biblical times. The extent of idolatry today rests in the fact that so many people are deceived into believing that they are “few and far between” in our society simply because we are not building “gods” and passing them around for people to worship. Today, many don’t understand what idolatry is. Merriam-Webster defines idolatry as “1: the worship of a physical object as a god; 2: immoderate attachment or devotion to something.” Statues of “has been” gods are defined as art, and the food offerings laid at their feet are expressions of tradition. Television is ritualistically watched on football evenings, sick drama mamas and reality TV are all conversation can hold the next day at work. There seems to be no regard to the lives around desiring true fellowship or intimacy. Family time is a movie night, that lacks in deep conversation if any conversation at all. There are far too many idols in this day to list. To call on our true and loving and merciful God today would be met with jeering as well. Christian endeavors are overlooked and mocked, and the Christians themselves are labeled “intolerant.” People flock to know God when tragedy strikes, but are easily sucked back into what is comfortable to them, something they can touch for immediate reassurance; a god of gold that when spent calms the anxieties within for but a moment.
Trust is so lacking today. Most can’t recall ever having seen God bring them through, and have been too busy to listen to their grandparents stories. God’s faithfulness has always been passed down from generation to generation with respect and regard to all He has done; very few know of that faithfulness. Words in the Bible are just stories heard in Sunday school classes with as much value to them as the flannel they are recited with. The lack is in knowing a God of love and mercy experientially. Testimony time in church would always involve a story of how God brought someone through. Grandmother didn’t have groceries and opened her door one morning to find not only what she needed, but also extras for the kids. That’s the point when God's provision, while appreciated, created a sense of pride in individuals to do everything in their power to never have to rely on God or man to take care of them. Women became men, providing for themselves, men raced for power and wealth, and God was forgotten. Society says everyone is to look out for oneself, and trust in the accomplishments made along the way, making sure there will always be a cushion on which to fall back. Society needs to trust in God again. One can’t determine the course of each day or even if the sunlight will peer through their bedroom window to greet the new day, only God can. One can’t bless himself either; there has to be understanding that trust in God brings about blessings like joy, peace, and love. To catch this idea would potentially remove blinders from eyes and give a new Red Sea and Jericho experience that would be the highlight for the next generation.
As David trusted in God and left a legacy for all to follow in remembering what God has brought us through, so we need to trust in God knowing that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. We have reasons to look to God rather than looking to that which is comfortable to us, sometimes even idolatrous to us. We have a call, as in the days of old, to trust God, forget what lies behind and press forward, because in that pressing is blessing that no man can provide, only God. As David said, so I say also . . . Praise the Lord!

Sunday, January 4, 2009


Gotta love these things.

7 Random/Weird facts

1. I have a high tolerance for physical pain, but will cry rivers at a sad movie.

2. I was kidnapped from my foster home at 4 and grew up with the alias Kathy Jones; thus, I despise being called Kathy.

3. I have issues with cutting my hair short (I cry if it is cut above my shoulders), but I often think that my 40th birthday will spur me on to shorter hair...that's the year I'll be

4. I was adopted as an adult.

5. October 9, 2003 I was given just a few hours to live (see #1; I ignored my pain for a year)...I'm still alive.

6. Isaiah 54 is my favorite chapter in the bible.

7. My goal this year is to have my long awaited home for homeless teens fully functioning...stay tuned. ;)

I don't really know 7 taggable people, so I will just have to break the rules and say...if you stop by, play along.