Thursday, July 19, 2007

Another Year

I went to Louisiana this past March and sat on the knee of a 200 year old oak tree. It was amazing to think that tree had been around so long and seen thousands of people…wow…and all the secrets it knew. I think about how grand God is…I pale in comparison to that tree, but sitting on the knee of the Lord…well…I’m completely hidden.

Today I have ended another year and begun a new one. I am not as old as the oak tree…thank heaven, but I remember being about 17 and thinking that my foster mom was so old and out of touch…well, I am now the age she was then and that is a scary thing. :)

I drove home from work today and despite the compelling urge to go straight to bed and forget this day exists, I went right to bed with an OLD journal I have kept since 1986. I have written in a journal since I was 15. They are very important to me since my life has changed so drastically over the years. The journal I read tonight is a different sort of journal. Over the years as people have spoken over my life, I have written it all down because I never want to forget what the Lord is telling me through people. So, tonight as I read through all the scriptures and words of encouragement, it struck me as so profound that through the years the theme has always been the same. Some of the words I never really understood until now. One specific word of encouragement stood out…it captured the story of Esau and the sale of his birthright. It reminded me that even while the things of this world pretend a zeal for the blessing that I should guard my spiritual birthright and not sell out to what looks right. Twenty years after that was written it hit home.

I know very well that this year will bring some serious life changes. Some I am looking forward to…some I am not. My company sold to TD Ameritrade and TDA will only be retaining about 40 people (there are 900+ in my company), and those select few will be csr’s, which leaves me out. There is also the possibility of me working for our VP’s new company, but I’m beginning to feel like that might just be the tradeoff…a morsel for my birthright. I had a slight glimmer of hope a couple weeks ago to purchase a coffee shop and ministry in Downtown Denver, but the owners changed their mind and would like to partner with a church and stay involved in the business. I am doing what I know to do and keeping my options open, but I am being pulled now more than ever to take steps that are completely uncomfortable. I am constantly being reminded of the ministry that has been in the works for YEARS. In all honesty, I want to run some place where no one knows me, but I feel like my feet are nailed to the floor…it’s rather frustrating. So, in my reading tonight, I really felt God asking me (again) to keep my eyes on him and He’ll be before me, beside me, holding my hand, teaching me, leading me...and even singing over me (Zeph 3:17).
Here are some of the scriptures I went through tonight, hopefully you will allow them to minister to you as well:

Isaiah 41:13 “For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”

Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Psalm 139:3-5 “You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.”

Jeremiah 17:5-8 “This is what the LORD says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Isaiah 48:17 “This is what the LORD says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.
Psalm 25:12 “Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I read all these and then some, and then I went to sleep. LOL The sleep I had longed for since my alarm went off at 4am. However, my sleep was short lived because my roomie came home and knocked on my bedroom door…I was pretty grumpy about having to get up, but of course I lightened up when I saw the present. :) Who wouldn't? She gave me a “Women of the Way” sculpture called “Someday My Prince Will Come” and has John 14:3 as a scripture reference. The artist wrote a nice side note in her booklet that says “no earthly relationship will completely fulfill you, no matter how wonderful it is. I’ve been married over 30 years, and I love my husband very, very much…but someday my Prince will come!” Isn’t that awesome! I about burst into tears. I love my gift – thanks EJ.

So, another year has come and gone, but the future looks awesome and terrifying all at once, but I will plant myself until He says “go,” and I will turn my anxieties over and let Him take me by the hand and lead me forward.