Friday, June 8, 2007

The Dating Escapades

The not so good…the really bad…and the borderline ugly.

I don’t know why after 15 years of not dating, I decided to try my hand at this ghastly practice, but here’s what I’ve been thinking:

  • The aging process that has me frightened…I’m getting old and…oh my gosh…what about a family! I forgot to have one!
  • My sister’s child already has children…ouch. Children are awesome! Every child I know is my child…except one - that seems to be missing from my life.
  • I just want someone to be with. I’m so done with being alone. I have goals in life, and while I can accomplish them solo, the thought of having someone by my side with the same hearts desire would be phenomenal.
  • Sex. Yeah, I’ve thought about a time or two…more recently than ever before, and…decidedly, I would like to have it before I die; but I am steadfast on not compromising my values!

So, with all that said, I took to the dating scene like a fish out of water. I have a few issues: I don’t get out much, except to study at Starbucks, and I’m very shy. So I went to the typical student study Starbucks…the only one open 24 hours (oh how I love that!), and actually had someone come up to me and start a conversation. It was a normal conversation…can’t quite remember, but it went something like…nice day huh … yes, very nice … do you have any plans to get out in the beautiful weather … not really, but I’m sure I will. At that, I walked off like a dummy head. He followed me and asked why I walked away, I was dumbfounded. I thought the conversation was over, but he handed me his number and said to call if I’d like to meet for lunch. Holy Smokes! My first date in forever…and he was cute…had that buff, Latino, let’s go out and dance kind of look. We went to a lunch and played at Dave & Busters, but as the night progressed and he began to toss back a few…it got a bit scary. I found out he was actually from Morocco and searching for a wife to take back to Africa…The date ended abruptly. Upon mulling over my stupidity of that first date, I remembered as a teenager I promised the Lord I would never date anyone who didn’t Love God first. Ooooh…I broke my promise. In my feverish excitement over someone finding me attractive enough to take out, I dove in and didn’t consult the Lord. So, what to do next…there has to be some kind of way to screen these individuals…’cause I certainly am not going to date strangers anymore. Ahh, the internet.

YES, I did the dating sites!

The internet is such a great thing. I posted what I looked for in a guy, I was specific, and I was fairly popular…woo hoo. Here are my noteworthy experiences:

Guy #1: Great guy, Christian (of course nothing else will do), average looks, rides motorcycles, and had a job…this guy is meetable. We meet just up the street for coffee. He’s nice, but he decides to lay everything out in the first meeting…why he didn’t say all this before we met is beyond my comprehension…maybe he thought we wouldn’t meet (which he would be right), but it’s better than meeting and then never meeting again. I understand people making mistakes in their life, and I’m all for their desire for self-improvement; however, this man was divorced twice with four children from two different marriages, engaged in many various sexual encounters (why he discussed sex on a first date…I don’t know either, but I’m finding it’s not unusual), and four months out of an extended stay in the pokey for a life mistake. No thank you…I admire your will to change…God bless you in your future endeavors…moving right along.

Guy #2: Nice, active role in his church, loves God, great job babysitting the Broncos and Nuggets, nice looking, and a stellar profile obviously enhanced after meeting a few interesting people – which I can appreciate. We met and talked for a while. He told me about all the interesting people he met online – every one of them addicted to something – sex, gambling, drugs, or alcohol. So, rightfully so, he asked me if I drank, did drugs, gambled, or was addicted to any other thing. He was very relieved to find that none of those applied to me and then he complimented me…my head swelled…I got dizzy. Ha ha. He said that from my profile he was expecting me to look very average, but he was surprised, in a good way, at how pretty I was. That constituted another date…this guy was smart too! Ha ha ha. Date two we dine at Applebee’s. We discussed what a relationship would look like for each of us…and then he dropped the “S” bomb. He said two people should show their imitate feelings for each other through sexual activity. Ohhhhh…show me that in the bible Mr Church Man. Apparently, I am archaic in my beliefs of premarital celibacy. He said “I would hate to wait until I was married and find out its bad.” I told him that sounded like he speaks from experiences I would never want to know about, and that kind of thinking would bring a level of unfair comparison and judgment into his sex life. When the time comes, I think I would prefer to learn with my husband…not from. Our date ended politely with a much too long (in my opinion) and awkward hug. I think there should be hugging etiquette for the dating.
While I stand by my morals, this one I have to say shook me up a bit because of the circumstances surrounding it. In January, Beth Moore did a radio broadcast in which she told women to get their check-ups done…which I didn’t ever see the need to do. Well, I scheduled an appt shortly thereafter and was absolutely horrified! First, the doctor came in and proceeded to rake me over the coals because I haven’t been in for this type of exam, then the doctor, even though I told her, upon examination, was a bit shocked at the truth of what I told her. I never thought anyone could actually lie their way through one of these appointments. The short of it: she asked me why I don’t have sex and don’t I want to have sex and asked if I was depressed and needed to see a psychologist. Ok…excuse me, but do you realize I am not wearing clothes and you are practically yelling at me and telling me there is something psychologically wrong with me for not having sex. Ohhh…let me get dressed and then we can battle…lol…but, I just sat there silently stunned and unable to think to even utter a word. With all these things (the date, Beth Moore’s chiding, and the Dr’s appt) all happening within weeks of each other, I questioned myself harshly for a good month, but came to the conclusion that even if I am crazy, my God is just as crazy and is even crazy for me, and I will serve Him with my heart and my body no matter what authority figures, peers, or society dictates.

I’ve gone on dates with a couple other guys who were similarly disappointing and I wonder if I am the one who has issues. I have heard it said that if you are thinking that everyone else has issues, then look inwardly. So, I’ve looked, and I am sooo not willing to compromise...issues or not...haa haa haa. So maybe I’ll be single forever, but I think I’ve found some answers to my points:

  • The aging process…so what if I forgot to have a family…Jesus said “who are my mother and my brothers?” And while God was speaking to Israel, I like to take this verse as my own “For your Maker is your husband—the LORD Almighty is his name…” (Isaiah 54:5)
  • Children are indeed awesome, but if I never have them…I still have them “Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD.” (Isaiah 54:1)
  • Though I want someone to be with, I am never alone. "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:16-18) I guess that covers my need for a psychiatrist too. lol
  • Sex. I haven’t got a clue, but this I know - though I’ve been taught that “sin is sin regardless of what that sin is” it is not true! There is something more powerfully wrong with sexual sin and is even in a way spoken of differently in the Bible. Check this out: “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” Then it goes on to say “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13, 18)

So, I’m done with the dating scene, I guess if it happens it happens, but I am rather doubtful, but am somewhat ok with it.

p.s. rather than typing a bunch of scrips, I got my verses from Check it out if you need a quick look up.


Leigh Gray said...

Hey Kate - got your comment on the Believing God study. I first want to say thank you for being so honest and real!!! God can use a person like that more so than others - i really believe that!!

I hope you will stop by often and feel free to comment any time. I most likely will be "devoting" about Believing God everyday for my QT.

Have a great weekend!

CrownLaidDown said...

Hi Kate,

I read your comment on the LPM blog and just wanted to say Hi from just south of you in Monument! I love your conviction for dating and following the Lord! Praying for you.
In His Joy,

Kate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Little Steps Of Faith said...

I read so far half way through your blog, and HAD to comment lol.

Single...girl, I completely understand where you are coming from!

I am 26, and I have had one close call marriage, and a miscarriage. Last year actually.

I was a size 11 and now practically a 16!

SO....with that said.

Being single, its definitely okay, because as long as we are waiting on God and not what our desires are, He will bless us!

After I had the miscarriage, and the guy left my life pronto, I was a mess, and I lost myself.

I never thought I could grieve something that never came to be.
It was real to me.

Anyways, I am just saying because I know from experience, that I know girls like us crave for that companion sometimes, and in those times, that is where I try to spend time with God.

For example, right now, I am in the process of finishing the Believing God online. Its taking two years lol.

And I have to say somethingelse, just because you don't feel you are who you should be, doesn't mean God feels the same way, and just because you feel you don't have the life you should have, doesnt mean that God feels that way either.

Less of us, more of Him. Easier said than done!

I LOVE the LPM blog, I get to meet wonderful people!

Rebecca St. James, is a couple years older than I, and she isn't married either, she follows God with all her heart.

I will lastly say, the other reason that its better to be single, it keeps you from making more mistakes, and being tempted in areas you didn't think you would come to.

The man I was with, was my first.

Be Blessed:)


Leigh Gray said...

Kate - thanks again for posting your comments about Believing God. You are way smart!! hee hee!!

Love we are all so different and I LOVE you honesty and perspective.

Watch Him work - He is gonna use you!


MelanieJoy said...


Sounds like we have a lot in common. I'm also single and hold steady to not compromise my values and standards. I spoke to our youth on Sunday about dating. One of the things I told them was that I desired someone who would love God more than me. That's always been number one on my list.
The dating scene I hate. I'm a home-body and don't go many places. No children some days unbearable...but I'm surrounded by them every day. Jesus didn't have any kids but He went around touching them (Joyce Meyer I believe said that one).
For the most part I'm content in my single life....but this week is the worst. Yeah- it's the birthday week.... Look at my age and what little I feel I've accomplished. This too shall pass.....
and Thus far....
Seriously, I just read your post and found your blog and had to stick my head in and say hello and I feel your pain and I celebrate your joys.

God Bless,

The Small Scribbler said...


I'm not sure how I arrived here...clicked on a comment on someone's blog and here I am. I love this post. I have lots of children and am teaching them to wait until they are ready for marriage until they begin dating. To build strong walls of purity around them. I am teaching them like everything else in life to trust God for the person that he has for them for marriage. They need to be faithful to live for Him and He will provide ALL of their needs...including a mate.

This post is such an encouragement to me. Role models in this arena are hard to come by.